The 3 most common causes of insecurity and how to overcome them

Common causes of low self-esteem

Self-esteem is simply how you feel about yourself and how you judge your worth.   This evaluation has a profound impact on the choices you make, since it determines, to a large extent, what you consider capable and worthy of doing.   The previous quote from the psychiatrist and author M. Scott Peck shows the cyclical relationships between self-esteem and our actions.   If we value ourselves and, therefore, our time, we will do significant things, which in turn makes us more valuable to us (and to the world around us).   Without an adequate amount of self-assessment, we do not pursue meaningful activities.   Instead, we get caught up in a cycle of devaluing ourselves and not doing anything meaningful to increase our sense of self-esteem.

People with low self-esteem, who feel bad about themselves and judge themselves as inferior to others, run the risk of not fulfilling their true potential in life.   They can not take the initiative to establish and pursue personal goals;   they can not put any effort into their education or careers;   They can accept the bad treatment of family, friends and romantic partners.   For example, DoSomething.org reports that adolescents with low self-esteem are four times more likely to participate in activities with children who later regret.   The National Association for Self-Esteem has linked low self-esteem with a series of negative behaviors among adolescents, including:

Poor academic performance

Teen pregnancy

Leave school

Early sexual activity

Criminal behavior

Alcohol and drug abuse

cut

Eating messy

Low self-esteem is more than an unpleasant feeling.   It takes a toll on our lives.

It is difficult to measure exactly how common low self-esteem is, but several studies have found that levels plummet as young people approach adolescence, more so for girls than for boys.   Again, according to DoSomething.org, 70% of girls believe they are not "up to scratch" or that they are not "good enough" in any way, including physical appearance, school performance and relationships.   The numbers for the children are not far away.

Low self-esteem can easily reach adulthood, interfering with a person's ability to lead a satisfying and healthy life.   One of the most important things you should know is that low self-esteem is not an exact reflection of reality or something that is written in stone.   Sometimes, the cause of low self-esteem may be rooted, to some extent, in reality, but the idea that your feelings about yourself can not be changed is simply not accurate.

Self-esteem is a mental state, and it can be changed.   However, you can only improve your self-esteem if you are first willing to challenge the negative feelings and judgments you have towards yourself.   No matter how convinced you are of your current assessment of yourself, you have nothing to lose and the world to win if you feel that you have much more control over your self-esteem than you realize.   Making the decision to challenge your thinking can change your thinking and what you do, now and in the future.

The following section explains some common causes of low self-esteem in young people and is intended to help you identify potential sources in your life.   Part 2 of this series will provide you with tools to increase your self-esteem, so be sure to spend some time reviewing that as well.   You can feel better about yourself;   You can raise your sense of worth.   You can make the decision to put yourself in a better position to lead a healthy, productive and meaningful life.

Causes of low self-esteem

"Face the dark parts of yourself and work to banish them with enlightenment and forgiveness.   Your willingness to fight with your demons will cause your angels to sing. "

August Wilson

within   your head

As the playwright August Wilson indicates in the previous quote, take a good look at the darkest parts of your life and yourself, it will allow you to fight things in your life that destroy self-esteem.   Then, and only then can its strengths and   be   object of a use.   The causes of low self-esteem can be difficult to identify;   There is no single cause for everyone, and some people suffer for a variety of reasons.   But the following are some common situations that are a factor in self-esteem, and becoming familiar with them can help you identify at least some of the causes in your life.

Parents not involved / negligent.   In many cases, and especially when we are young, our feelings about ourselves are greatly influenced by how others feel and treat us, especially our parents or guardians.   Everyone deserves a loving family, but some young people have the misfortune of not receiving adequate support at home.   Parents or guardians with mental health problems, substance abuse problems or other challenges may not be able to provide their children with the care, guidance and care they need and deserve.   This can cause significant self-esteem problems for young people, since those who are supposed to care for them may not seem so.

Negative couple   In the same way that the way we are treated by parents or guardians can greatly influence our self-esteem, also the way we are treated by peers.   Being part of a social group that depresses you, by not respecting you, by pressuring you to do things that you do not feel comfortable with, by not evaluating your thoughts and feelings, etc., can make you feel that something is wrong. You, or the only way you like them is to do what others want and not listen to your own heart and mind.   This is very damaging to how you see yourself.

Trauma.   Abuse, whether physical, emotional, sexual or a combination of these, often causes feelings of shame and even guilt.   A person may feel that he did something to deserve the abuse, that he was not worthy of the abuser's respect, love and care.   People who have suffered abuse can also have a significant amount of anxiety and depression associated with the event, which can interfere with a person's ability to lead a satisfying life.

 Body image.   

The University of Washington Health and Media for Adolescents website reports that 53% of the girls surveyed were dissatisfied with their bodies, a number that was   raise   to 78% at the age of 17 years. In his book, I'm like, how fat! Dianne   Neumark   Sztainer   reports that 50% of adolescent girls and 30% of male adolescents engage in unhealthy behaviors in an effort to lose weight, including skipping meals, vomiting, smoking cigarettes, fasting, and using laxatives.

Body image is a very important factor in the self-esteem of young people, especially young women.   From the moment we are born, we are surrounded by unrealistic images of how women should look, what is the "ideal" body type.   The bodies of women are objectified constantly in the media, so it seems that their bodies exist so that others can see, touch, use, etc. When puberty arrives and our bodies begin to change, they do not change to what we see on magazine covers or music videos.   This can make you feel unattractive and inadequate, in addition to the profound lack of power that comes with seeing your body as an object that others should contemplate.

While young women are disproportionately affected by body image messages, young men are not immune.   Many young men struggle with low self-esteem associated with weight and body composition, especially with respect to muscle mass.   The body of a man is not treated so much in our culture as an object for others, but as a sign of his masculinity.   Young men may feel pressured to develop large muscles as a demonstration of strength and virility;   They may also feel shy about their height.

Small fish, big pond.  

It is easy for young people to feel trapped in a world beyond their control.   This leads to feelings of ineffectiveness, impotence and lack of courage.   Although most people do not experience it until adulthood, it is possible that young people go through the infamous "existential crisis", a moment in which they question the meaning of their lives.   Because I am here?   I do not care   The inability to answer these questions can represent a significant challenge to the sense of self-esteem.

 Unrealistic goals. 

  Whether the pressure comes from themselves, authority figures or peers, some young people expect too much of themselves in terms of school achievement, extracurricular participation and / or social status.   Those who struggle academically may think that they should have a straight A all the time;   those who perform well academically can try to perform many other activities and expect to be "the best" in all of them.  Young people who crave popularity can expect everyone to like it, something that just does not happen, because no matter who you are, you can not please everyone.   The inevitable failure to achieve unrealistic goals can lead to the feeling that you are a failure in general.

Previous bad choices.  

Sometimes we lock ourselves in a certain pattern of decision making and acting.   Maybe you have not been very good friends in the past.   Maybe you did not apply at school.   Maybe you participated in risky behaviors such as drug use or unprotected sex.   You might think that you're just "the kind of person" that behaves that way.   I may even dislike you a lot because of past choices, but do not think you can change course now.   Therefore, you will not try.   He will continue to make decisions that reinforce his own negative vision.

 Negative thinking patterns.   

When you get used to feeling, thinking and talking about yourself in a particular way, it becomes a habit.   You've probably heard of muscle memory: once you've done some physical activity, like cycling over and over again, your brain automatically sends signals to your muscles to do whatever it takes to do that activity, for example, it keeps it going. balanced on the seat.   Your thoughts and feelings work the same way sometimes.   If you have often felt that it is worthless or inferior, if you constantly think of negative thoughts and say negative things about yourself, you are likely to continue feeling and thinking in the same way, unless you break the cycle by challenging your negative thoughts . and feelings about yourself.   Just as our muscle memory can learn the wrong way to perform a physical activity, our thoughts and feelings can learn inaccurate patterns.

The eight previous causes of low self-esteem are not the only ones, but they are quite common.   The latter, the development of negative thought patterns, may be responsible for the persistence of low self-esteem in most people, regardless of the initial causes.   Young people should examine situations in their lives (at home, at school, social spheres, for example), as well as their own attitudes and thoughts, about their bodies, goals, past choices and sense of purpose, for example, to identify possible sources. Low self-esteem

Your options can improve your self-esteem
Advice and suggestions

The important thing to remember while doing this self-assessment, which can extend over a period of months or even years, is that in almost all situations or conditions, you can make decisions that will improve your thinking and your life.   Whether you believe it at this moment or not, you have unique interests, strengths, abilities and feelings that suit you for many purposes and, in the long run, can be of great benefit to you and those around you.   When thinking about   who   and why you are, make sure you are attentive to these unique aspects of yourself: they will speak to you if you listen to them.   And when he does, when he feels in tune with what makes him unique, his self-esteem meter could record some of his highest scores of all time.

Are you feeling full of doubts and lack of confidence?   Despite your achievements, do you feel like a fraud intended to be exposed?   Do you feel that you do not deserve a lasting love and that couples will inevitably abandon you?   Do you stay at home, afraid to venture to meet new people because you feel you do not have enough to offer?   Do you feel overweight, bored, stupid, guilty or ugly?

Most of us feel insecure at times, but some of us feel insecure most of the time.   The kind of childhood you had, past traumas, recent experiences of failure or rejection, loneliness, social anxiety, negative beliefs about you, perfectionism or having a parent or critical partner can contribute to insecurity.   The following are the 3 most common forms, and how to begin to handle them.

Type 1: insecurity based on recent failures or rejection

Recent events in our lives can greatly affect our mood and the way we feel about ourselves.   Research on happiness suggests that up to 40% of our "happiness ratio" is based on recent events in life.   The biggest negative contributor to happiness is the end of a relationship, followed by the death of a spouse, loss of employment and negative health events.   Since unhappiness also influences your self-esteem, failure and rejection can double your confidence.   In his book Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure and Other Everyday Hurts, the blogger of Psychology Today, Guy Winch, says that rejection inevitably leads us to see ourselves and others in a more negative way, at least a time.   And those of us who have lower self-esteem to begin with are more reactive to failure.   It is as if an experience like losing your job takes over old negative beliefs about your self-esteem and activates them.   It can help to understand that failure is an almost omnipresent experience: before becoming president, Abraham Lincoln lost his job, was defeated by Congress and failed at least twice in the Senate bids.  Persevere despite setbacks can lead to eventual successes, which increases your self-esteem.