4 REASONS TO AVOID COMPLAINTS
As attentive as I often strive to be, I am sometimes surprised to
hear the complaints that come out of my mouth. Even before the words have been
uttered completely, I am already wishing I could retrieve them and swallow them
completely.
It seems that I complain more often when I'm nervous, especially
when I'm talking to someone I do not know very well. How did I come to the
conclusion that participating in a joint complaint about something (traffic,
weather, high prices) is a good way to establish links?
It really never feels good to complain, let alone listen to
complaints, so why do I keep doing it? I think that, like many other things,
complaining is a habit. And habits can be broken with willpower and
practice.
So I decided to challenge myself to stop complaining for a week
and see what happens. I welcome you to join me! This is what I will do,
starting today:
1. Think before you speak.
Sometimes I justify sharing my complaints with others, especially
those with whom I am close, telling me that it is good to be honest with them.
But, is there a line between being sincere and being destructive to my honesty?
Seeing what I am experiencing right now is one thing, but staying
in negativity without trying to find a solution only makes two people feel bad,
instead of one. And that negativity can spread like a virus, when I transmit it
to someone and he transmits it to the next person he talks to, and so on.
So this week, at times when I feel frustrated, overwhelmed or
stressed by something, I will keep it to myself or just briefly mention what I
feel and then go to take care of my well-being. Maybe I'll bathe, listen to a
great song, take a quick walk or breathe consciously , etc., until I start to
feel better.
2. Change your perspective.
When I complain, I am saying that I do not like something as it is
and that it is generally something that I can not control. But what I can
control is my perspective. I can generate acceptance, appreciation, humor,
there are many ways to see each scenario, and I can always choose a different
point of view.
This week, whenever I have a need to complain, I will remind
myself that a complaint is just a point of view and I will take responsibility
for the things I can change: my attitude and my perspective.
3. Find the silver lining.
As I become entangled in focusing on problems through the act of
complaining, I am actually blocking possible solutions. But this week, I will
recognize that a complaint highlights what I do not want, which helps me
clarify what I want.
If I realize that something is bothering me to the point of
feeling the urge to complain, I will ask myself what I want, be, have or
experience. And maybe there is not a solution, I can not change the climate,
for example, but I can recognize that I like to be warm and comfortable. Then I
will contemplate the actions that I could take to move in the direction of what
I want. I will use my urge to complain like a springboard to create something
new, and an opportunity to feel empowered rather than disempowered.
4. Ask questions.
Instead of resorting to complaining as my default way of
communicating, this week I will ask more questions. If I do not have anything
good to say, I will give others the opportunity to say something good.
I will ask others what inspires them and then I will thank them
for inspiring me. And if they complain, I'll change the subject to something we
can be grateful for together. I do not know how my life will change after a
week without complaining, but maybe, just maybe, I will create a new cycle that
can be transmitted from person to person until it reaches the whole world: a
cycle of gratitude.
Who's with me? Let me know how your life changes after a week of
being free of complaints.
