Here are some tools you can use to overcome insecurity based on failures or rejections

Take time to heal and adapt to the new normal.

Go out and commit to life, following your interests and curiosity.

Get in touch with friends and family to be entertained and comfortable.

Get comments from trusted people.

Persevere and keep moving towards your goals.

Be willing to try a different strategy if necessary.

Type 2: lack of confidence due to social anxiety

Many of us experience a lack of confidence in social situations such as parties, family reunions, interviews and appointments. The fear of being evaluated by others, and that is missing, can lead to feeling anxious and shy. As a result, you can avoid social situations, experience anxiety when anticipating social events, or feel shy and uncomfortable during them. Past experience can fuel your sense of not belonging, not feeling important or interesting, or just not being good enough. Many of my clients describe how being bullied or excluded from a group of friends in middle or high school continues to negatively affect their confidence as adults. If you grew up with critical parents, or parents who pushed you to be popular and successful, you may also be overly sensitive to how others perceive you. This type of insecurity is generally based on distorted beliefs about their self-esteem and the extent to which other people are evaluating it. Most of the time, people are more focused on how they are dealing than judging others. Those who judge and exclude often hide their own insecurities and, therefore, their opinions may be less than precise, they may value superficial attributes rather than character and integrity.

Below are some tools to combat insecurity in social situations:

How to be less self-aware

When you are aware of yourself, it is as if you were on stage, and the audience is examining each of your steps. Rationally, you know that not everyone is watching you, but that's how you feel, Aaron said. Karmin , MA, LCPC, psychotherapist in Chicago, Illinois.

He gave this example of how we tend to experience self-awareness:

Imagine being outside with your co-workers. Everyone is chatting with each other. Then someone says: "You have something in your nose." When you stretch your face, your elbow hits a glass that breaks on the table. Now, everyone is silent and stares at you.

"It's as if a spotlight had been lit on you and the rest of the room lights dimmed", He said Karmin .

Being self-aware can limit our ability to enjoy the moment and express ourselves fully, according to Carmen Cool, MA, LPC, psychotherapist in Boulder, Colorado.

She takes us out of our personal experiences and brings us to what we think another person is thinking, she said. "[It] puts us in the place of the self as" object "instead of" subject. "

When we are self-conscious, we feel ashamed and ashamed, He said Karmin . "We take someone's criticism and see it as literal, personal and serious."

Here are three strategies to help you be less shy and worry less about how others perceive you.

Remember this.

Remember that people are not thinking of you as much as you think they are, Cool said. For example, when I worked in the University of Naropa Cool had the opportunity to serve tea to a visiting Tibetan teacher.

He and his assistants were sitting on the floor. Cool served the tea and when she stepped back (it's a custom not to turn her back on the teacher), she got into a cup of tea.

"At that time, I wanted the earth to open and swallow me completely." When he told the story, and his shame, to another person, the person said, "Did you do it? No one noticed.

Stop agreeing with your negative thoughts.

One of the reasons why we become self-conscious is because we are concerned that others only confirm our own negative thoughts. Karmin , who practices in Urban Balance, described it this way: if someone tells you that you are a purple elephant, you probably do not feel insulted. That's because "there is no agreement as to what you have," I think I can be a purple elephant and that's a bad thing. "

But if someone said that you would look better if you lost 15 pounds. and get rid of his double chin, he would probably get upset, he said. And you could agree with them. That's because somewhere in your mind you think you have a double chin and that having a double chin is bad.

"Then, when someone points it out, or if you see an advertisement with a 120-pound model, your mind appears with 'I'm ugly' and you agree with that."

The key is to stop agreeing with your thoughts. This does not mean discussing or resisting them, he said Karmin , who also writes in Psych Central's blog "Manejo de la ira".

"If someone said 'You are a purple elephant', you would not argue about what you really are not and about how even purple elephants have feelings. You just shrug your shoulders and say 'OK, whatever.' "

He suggested taking this same approach, which he called "a mental shrug," with his brain: "Ok, that's what my mind is doing, whatever."

Work on accepting yourself.

According Karmin , a person "who accepts himself unconditionally as a valuable human being despite [his] faults and imperfections does not experience the stress of self-consciousness".

For example, if you accept yourself and someone calls you "stupid," instead of internalizing their insult, you realize that they are just trying to be antagonistic, he said. Instead of committing the person, he could say: "'I never thought that way. "I do not know what to tell you, and get away."

If you have difficulty accepting yourself, remember that this is something you can cultivate. Here are 12 ways to accept yourself along with three small steps you can take.

The next time you find yourself thinking about someone's criticism, Karmin He suggested asking: "What difference is there?"

The answer is none, he said.

"People who respect themselves do not evaluate themselves on the basis of external appearances. Our task would be to allow others to believe what they want and see if someone faints. "

How to stop being aware of yourself

Have you ever stopped to ask yourself exactly why you feel self-conscious? For some people, he he worries about certain characteristics of his appearance; for others, it's about status, intelligence or funds. If you feel judged by other people, it is important that you realize that it is not useful for others to define you. On a deeper level, one of the most important reasons to feel self-conscious is deep introspection and uncertainty in one's own abilities to interact or perform [1]. Learn to disarm your inner critic and find constructive ways to diminish feelings of self-awareness. It's time to start living again!

Identifying your self-aware triggers

Identify what you are shy about. A certain aspect of your appearance? The contraction in your eye? Your accent Your disability (mental or physical)? Your intellectual abilities? Make a list of your triggers. [2] Leave an empty column next to the list, so that after identifying your triggers, you can write actions you can take to minimize your feelings of self-awareness in relation to each element.

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Challenge negative thoughts. Self-awareness is often due to our concern that others will confirm our negative conversation or we will look at those things for which we feel insecure. If your negative thoughts tell you that you are overweight and you believe them, then you will feel deeply hurt and shy if someone tells you that you should lose a couple of pounds . [ 3] This is because your negative thoughts have convinced you that you are overweight and that being overweight is bad.

When those negative thoughts come, do not fight them, but do not accept them either. Instead, it acts as thought, thought has proposed something completely ridiculous, like "You are a flying unicorn," something you do not believe is true, or that you think is a bad thing.

Remember that your internal critic, the part of you that expresses these negative thoughts, is not a reliable or reasonable voice. It is not the voice of reality, as many self-aware people believe.

Checking your reality

Realize that people do not pay as much attention to you as you think. People are often too busy thinking of themselves to start focusing on your little quirks and differences. [7] If you are shy about the size of your nose, you can convince yourself that everyone you know is looking at it. While you may believe that everyone is focused on this feature, it is very unlikely that they have noticed or are thinking about it.

Examine the criticisms of others. When you believe that someone is "better than you", raise that self-criticism and examine it. It is very likely that you are overrating an aspect of that person and degrading something that is not so perfect.

Know that trust can be learned. Like most skills, self-confidence and self-acceptance are things that can be learned and cultivated with time and practice . [ 9] The phrase "pretend until you get it" is often applied to achieve self-confidence; act as if you believe that you are a person who deserves compassion, respect and being loved with all your faults, and eventually you will believe it. [10]

Practice the concepts described in this article to begin to develop your confidence and decrease your self-awareness.

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Part 2 Quiz

Whenever you feel intimidated by someone you think is much better than you, what is the most important step to take?

Examine your self-criticism

Talk with friends

Make a list of the things you are good at.

Part

Managing your reactions

Consider if you would judge others so harshly. Nobody is perfect, and never before have you noticed their little whims, why do they pay so much attention to yours? If you do not think or say things about a best friend, why do you think or say about yourself? Try to be a good friend to you too. [11] Some ways to be your best friend are the following:

Even if you do not feel it at the beginning, at least act as if you do not have to worry. Over time, it will feel that way too.

Your greatest strength is between the stimuli and your response to them, so try to take control. [12]

Always imagine yourself as if you knew that you look and feel good in front of others, but do not think too much about it because it will already be embedded.

Catch yourself by putting yourself down or comparing yourself with others. [13] Do not scold yourself; just watch it and tell yourself it's time to stop and look for more constructive ways of thinking about yourself.

Challenge yourself.

It is an effective way to push A) Yes same. When you feel that doing something will make you feel confident and excited, but you can not do it because of anxiety or self-awareness, at the same time, challenge yourself.

For example, say to yourself: "I challenge you to put yourself in an uncomfortable situation." Another example would be, "Go with that girl / boy and talk to him / her, even if it does not make any sense". Remember, do not curse yourself or punish yourself even if you fail in the challenge, in fact, give yourself a reward even for trying.

Image titled "Stop being aware of yourself" Step 8

Make fun of yourself

Yes, that is correct - not in a self-critical way, but in a humble and ingenious way to recognize that you are not perfect and that you do not care. After dropping a jar of peanut butter in front of someone he fancies and observing with horror how it breaks into pieces and sprays pieces of peanut butter on the floor, he laughs at his inherent awkwardness, making a joke that You should use. double-sided tape in your hands, and then apologize and help clean it.

Image titled "Stop being aware of yourself" Step 9

Just let it be, then let it go.

Do not worry too much about the triggers of self-awareness. If you feel that self-awareness arises within you, tell yourself that you will be fine. Consider the feelings as if you were observing them instead of experiencing them and allowing them to slide through you without staying. Be like the famous people, leaders or friends you admire; those people who make a mistake but get up again and continue without bearing the burden of expectations or criticism from others.

A word about criticism: learn to discern between the useful and constructive things that people say they care about and the odious and destructive things that people say indifferent, jealous or simply spiteful. Learn from the first and let the second simply fall; You do not need enemies in your life, so do not take their evil seriously.

Practice the reappearances against criticism. For malicious criticism, keep some standard answers in your head so you can get out of the situation without being disappointed or caused pain to the other person. That way, they will not put you in place or you will be out of breath for a wit that will not come during your shock for your audacity. Think as kindly as you can and say something simple like:

"I'm surprised you feel the need to say that, it's not right that they talk to me that way."

"I need you to know that it's not okay for me to be criticized so harshly, I did the best I could and I do not accept your interpretation.

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Part 3 Quiz

If you fail in a challenge, you should:

Make yourself one easier next time.

Make a challenge more difficult for yourself.

Reward yourself anyway.

Feel guilty about trying again.

Part

4
Doing some beneficial internal work

one

Build your confidence in yourself. Make an effort to gain a deeper understanding of your self-esteem. Replace your concerns about what other people think about you with a concern for their own goals, achievements and progress.

To do this, write your goals and milestones. This will help you motivate you to work towards them.

Tell people about your progress toward a goal. This helps give you the motivation to move forward and allows the people you care about to continue supporting your efforts. Be prudent, do not share things with people who can detract from your progress, if someone does not support you, do not stand in your way.

Give testimony of your achievements. Celebrate when good things happen; go out to dinner, call a friend, take a walk or buy an online album. Recognize good things more regularly than reflecting on faults.

Be truthful

Do not exaggerate things and do not get depressed with lies, stick to the genuine truth. For example, if one day you wear a strange dress and people look at you with crazy looks and you think 'Man, everyone hates it' at the same time, ask yourself "Am I sure everyone hates it? ¿ There is not a single person who likes it? "?"

Image titled "Stop being aware of yourself" Step 12

Be yourself!

Be genuine and then try to change if you really want to. Take responsibility for your actions, mistakes and interests, basically all good and bad things.

For example, if you want to solve your anxiety problem, then you must "recognize" it and really accept that you have an anxiety problem. Then you can try to fix it.

Image titled "Stop being aware of yourself" Step 13

Work on changing the inside of you.

You must realize that you are part of all existence, just like everyone else. This is a fact of life and no one can take it from you. It is your birthright. Understand that nobody is better or more important than you.

Having said that , you owe it to yourself and others to be your best self. Always work to get the best out of you and share it with others. It helps you, and helps your community, to be the best of you.

Accept that it is you, regardless of the external gaze.

The feeling of "I am" is always constant. If you try to remember your childhood and try to think of your "I", the "I" was always the same, regardless of age or situations. The "I" does not depend on anything. It does not grow big or small, only apparently you feel that it changes or that it depends on anything. So deeply understand that your existence does not depend on anything or anyone. Such thought in itself is a great impulse for self-confidence.

As Judy Garland once said: "Always be the first version of your category, instead of a second version of someone else." Do your best to live up to that.

See the pattern of thoughts that come to mind while sitting inactive or working.

If the thoughts are about what others think of you, then be careful. Do not let the mind rebuke these thoughts. The same thoughts that are repeated create a channel, and then you are forced to go through that channel when the opportunity arises.

Read some self-help books; Ask your favorite teacher about this topic, do a Google search, go to your local library and, finally, to a bookstore, if it is so serious.

Redirect your attention When you begin to feel self-conscious, locate an objective, no matter what it may be, it may be the error that creeps on the ground and focus on it. [15] What color is it? How many legs? Anything that deflects attention from you will do the trick; The distraction will return you to the present and your surroundings.

If you become shy when talking to people, change your focus to hear what the other person is saying. Concentrate on the words, not on how they look or what they will say next, and that will do the trick.

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Part 4 Quiz

How can you redirect your attention if you feel self-conscious?

Locate a goal

Think about what the other person feels self-conscious.

Think about what you are going to do next.

Part

Doing some external work

Practice self-affirmations in the mirror. Tell yourself that you are positive, good at what you do, and that you are ready to make changes when necessary. Repeat often to get the maximum effect.

Some statements you can start with include: "I am a good person and I deserve to be loved and respected," "I am more than my insecurities," "I am doing the best I can, and that is all I can do." do."

Disengage from critical or careless criticism others make to you.

The moment you let someone judge who you are, it's the moment when you lost your happiness to someone else. Do not let other people tell you who you are.This is your life, not theirs. And while it is difficult to defend what you believe and be your whole being, doing so is part of what defines your best self.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy. Being close to negative people only drags you down. This may seem like a cliché, but think about how you feel when you are around positive people and how you feel when you are around negative people. They are two opposite ends and you know how you would prefer to feel .

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