10 reasons why social anxiety depresses you
This is going to be a depressing article. But if you're reading this, then you're probably already depressed.
Hey, it's not your fault. Social anxiety gives you a lot to be depressed.
Scientists have discovered that SAs at an early age often leads to depression later:
A possible link between social anxiety and the earlier onset of major depression has been reported in several studies. Also, when the morbidity, social anxiety almost always starts first, often many years before the onset of depression.
- From the study: Social anxiety disorder and risk of depression.
So, why social anxiety and depression often occur together? In this article, I am going to list what I believe are the top 10 reasons.
1. Lack of social connections.
Did you know that there are psychologists out there who also study "happiness", not just disorders? What they discovered is that the quality of their close personal relationships is the most important factor in their happiness:
50 years of happiness research shows that the quantity and quality of a person's social connections (friendships, relationships with family members, closeness to neighbors, etc.) are so closely related to well-being and well-being. personal happiness that both can be practically equated.
- Christine Carter, Ph.D., University of California, Berkeley
Yes, it is more important than money, fame, good looks or even being born in a rich country. Take that, billionaires!
Of course, it sucks to be a person with social anxiety who avoids people and fears getting close or intimate.
In my experience, depression can worsen your social avoidance. Why? Because when you feel like crap inside, totally eliminate your motivation to socialize. Not only do you feel nervous about talking to people, but now you do not even have the energy or enthusiasm to try it. Oh, but you still feel that annoying loneliness.
2. People are turned off by your nervous energy, sad or desperate.
Feeling anxious makes it extremely difficult to have a basic conversation. That is why one of the most common problems I hear from my readers is that they "do not know what to say" or their "mind goes blank" when they speak. It is difficult to talk to people when an alarm sounds in your mind, and your heart speeds up, sweat drips and your hands tremble.
What is worse, the sadness and depression he feels for loneliness make people even more discouraged. It makes you emit this subtle feeling of need and despair, which for other people feels like a black hole of negative energy. When I was more depressed, I felt as if I had sucked the fun and energy of the conversation just by opening my mouth.
3. Feeling "different" instead of belonging to a tribe.
People who have similar points of view, interests, and objectives to you.
People with whom you can have shared experiences.
People with whom you can feel totally free to be yourself.
Unfortunately, most people with social anxiety feel "different", out of place, as if they really do not fit with any group of people they have met.
I know this feeling very well. While most of the kids at school talked about silly things, like who was its hockey player Favourite. I was wondering why they cared about hockey so much in the first place.
Now I am lucky to have found my own "tribe" of people with whom I can easily connect (usually people who are interested in psychology, online business, personal development, travel). But it would have been impossible to find them with social anxiety.
Some studies have found that childhood experiences of not fitting in or being excluded can lead to social anxiety, depression and low self-esteem. ( source )
4. I can not find a significant other.
Have a girlfriend, boyfriend, companion. This is one of the great reasons why people learn from me and invest in my courses.
Actually, relationships do not always lead to happiness. They are not always sun and roses. They often include conflict, jealousy and lack of love. And lonely people overlook the fact that the most depressed people in the world are those who have just separated. Fortunately, that type of depression usually rises in a few weeks.
However, despite the negative aspects, having someone to share the little moments of life is something that gives many people a great sense of being understood, loved and meaningful. I believe that no one should have to suffer loneliness involuntary for years or all of life, but many people with social anxiety do so.
5. I can not continue your desired career.
What is a good job for someone with social anxiety? Programmer? Maybe a video editor? However, even these jobs currently require a lot collaboration and talking to people. Unless you are going to be a truck driver or park ranger, you can not escape needing conversation skills in most jobs.
It is simply a fact: if you are not sure, if it is not assertive, And if even the word "teamwork" makes your heart start to beat a little faster. then you're probably going to have trouble getting the career you really deserve.
To be overlooked at work because you do not speak at meetings,
To not get the increase or promotion you want because you are afraid to ask for it,
Being too nervous in the interview to get a job in the first place!
I would bet that social anxiety costs many people tens of thousands of dollars over a lifetime in their professional lives.
6. Boredom and nothing to do.
Alone and aimlessly surfing the internet. That describes too much of my high school and college life. Here's one fact: when you do not have friends to do things with, you do not usually have many interesting things to do.
So you spend a lot of time doing things just to keep yourself busy and distracted, things that ultimately feel unsatisfied and empty. For me, this included video games, browsing random websites, etc. Jumping from distraction to distraction fills time, but your life does not seem significant, and over time this erodes your self-esteem even more.
7. Negative thoughts about oneself.
Feeling insecure about yourself It is extremely common for those who suffer from social anxiety. You can believe that you are ugly, that you are a loser in secret, that people judge with attention everything you say, etc. (In fact, this is one of the main causes of social anxiety: you feel you are an "imperfect". "Somehow, then you are constantly nervous and worried that other people will" notice "this defect and reject you.)
I'm sure it's easy to see how the same kinds of thoughts that make you feel socially anxious can also make you feel depressed.
8. Feeling inferior and submissive.
I have not yet seen another course on shyness or social anxiety that talks about this, but I consider it of vital importance.
When you perceive that your social status or rank is LOW, it is when you begin to be "shy" or "socially anxious". In psychology, this idea is called "social rank theory".
Let me explain. Take a look at these 3 common symptoms of shyness:
Weak eye contact,
Speaking quietly and timidly,
Be afraid to be assertive
Think about what someone really communicates by acting in this way If a scientist saw a chimpanzee acting in this way in nature, he would label it as. submissive! And that's where a lot of low social trust comes from: a deep unconscious belief that other people have a higher social status and more socially dominant than you. If you can overcome this feeling of inferiority, then it will be easy for you to stop acting submissive and timid.
I talk a lot about this in my system, in the chapter entitled "The value and the social hierarchy. " What I did not realize when I created my course was that this same belief of inferiority / low status also leads to depression. That's what this study found:
This study explores the associations between shame, depression and social anxiety from the perspective of social rank theory. The social rank theory holds that emotions and moods are significantly influenced by perceptions of a person's position / social rank; that is the degree to which one feels inferior to the others and despised. A common result of such perceptions is behavior submissive
The results confirm that shame, social anxiety and depression (but not guilt) are highly related to feeling inferior and with behavior submissive.
- Paul Gilbert's study: The relationship of shame, social anxiety, and depression: the role of the evaluation of social rank
9. Feeling ignored and invisible.
Have you ever heard the saying that "you only exist in relation to other people"? I think there is something deep in it.
There have been periods of my life in which I have been a great loner, basically a hermit. I avoided making friends and rarely talked to the family. And it felt really strange. As if my existence felt less real when I did not interact with people for a long time. I began to wonder if I lost my personality the more I had left alone. I felt that I was fading away.
I can definitely see how some older people who are isolated start to go crazy because I could feel that I was going through. And maybe that's why people fall in love. They need to feel as if at least one other person in the world sees them completely. I do not feel like other people KNOW and understand that it really is depressing.
Loneliness does not come from not having people around you, but from not being able to communicate the things that seem important to you. - Carl Jung
And by the latest.
10. There is no plan or hope to improve.
The longer you remain trapped in social anxiety, the less you feel in control of your life. And the longer you are deprived of relationships, the harder it will be to get out of the hole. It may feel so comforting to try to pressure your friends' wishes, for a romantic relationship in the back of your mind while focusing on other hobbies.
But once in a while, maybe on your birthday, you realize that another year of your life has passed. Without much improvement.
That life event that was supposed to change your life: move to college, graduate or get a job. He came and went and you're still the same person. And sometimes you wake up at night feeling that you are wasting precious time that you will never return.
Now that's the part of social anxiety that is the most depressing in my opinion.
However, this kind of thinking is also what ultimately motivated me to overcome my own social anxiety and now also teach others. If you remove one thing from this article, I hope it is this: you are not alone. The same struggles, challenges, and frustrations that you face every day are common to most people with social anxiety.
